From My Desk… From My Life

I am a Southern girl…  That’s big.  I AM A SOUTHERN GIRL.  I grew up in a time and place where I was taught manners, and yes, even today young ladies still go to charm school, although some of them now call themselves modeling schools.  We learned deportment (that means how to walk holding our backs straight and how to sit with our knees together) and makeup and how to act in public when all eyes are on you.  Why?  Lord knows, but I think the biggest reason is to build confidence in our own ability to handle all kinds of situations, like meeting your new boyfriend’s parents over dinner without committing some unforgivable faux pas.

In the South, at least the way I was raised, money is not the be all and end all, and actually wasn’t very important at all.  But manners and blood and where, or more importantly who, you come from?  That’s what’s important.  You can be a pauper, but if you hold your fork properly and your family has been in the South for several generations BEFORE the Civil War, well, then you are somebody.  The Civil War was the great equalizer when it came to money – after it, no one had any but the Yankees, so we learned to take pride in those things that couldn’t be bought: manners and honor.

I never really understood that growing up.  I mean come on – the Civil War was 150 years ago!  Besides, what does it matter if I know which fork to use at a formal dinner if I can only afford McDonald’s?  And why is it important to know that pearls go over the blouse and under the sweater if I don’t own any?  But now I look around at “famous” or maybe “infamous” people on TV and in the magazines, those with more money than I’ll see in my entire lifetime, chewing with their mouths open, spilling vulgarity every time they speak, and flashing their private parts when they get in and out of vehicles.  And I’m appalled.  I wonder what kind of family they were raised in, and what kind of friends they had growing up who didn’t correct them so others wouldn’t laugh at them, and I find it shocking.

Maybe I’m just old fashioned, and maybe manners, a man holding a door open for a lady, putting your napkin in your lap, and speaking softly in public, are not important anymore.  And maybe we’ve lost sight of what is important or maybe we have different ideas of what that means.  Maybe we’ve let social customs fall by the wayside in the rush toward material success.  And maybe we should think about what that means to the coming generations.  Personally, if a man took me out to dinner and chewed with his mouth open?  Last date.  I like a man to open the door for me – makes me feel cared for, and that hand in the middle of my back guiding me through a room?  Oh, yeah.

But maybe things like manners and deportment don’t really matter anymore to most folks.  After all, everyone has the right to be who they are and act how they want to.  But when I see that kind of behavior, I can’t help but look over my shoulder.  In my mind I see my aunt’s head shaking and her voice saying softly, “Bless her heart, she’s so tacky.”

And for those Southern-style sweet tea lovers, here’s how to make the real thing, and no, sun tea is not the real thing.

Southern-Style Sweet Tea (makes 1 gallon)

9 family-sized Tetley tea bags
3/4 cup of sugar (to taste)
1 quart of water

In a pot on the stove, add the water and sugar – sugar is to taste – my grandmother would add probably 2 cups of sugar while I only add about 1/2 cup. Then heat on high until it just comes to a rolling boil and sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat and toss in the tea bags, then cover. Allow to steep and cool for about 30 minutes, drain and remove the tea bags, then pour into a one gallon pitcher. Add water to make one gallon of sweet tea.  Keep refrigerated – left out it will sour, and every Southerner worth their salt can tell good tea from bad.

What do you think?  Are manners and personal deportment “Gone with the Wind?”